As a former schoolteacher I occasionally run into former students, who are now all adults. If time allows, the conversation naturally turns to memories of when we spent time together in a teacher-student relationship many years earlier. 

Over the years I have noticed an unmistakable pattern — what the former student remembers and recalls has nothing to do with lessons taught, curriculum goals, or academic achievement, but rather what I was like and how I treated them as their teacher. In short, their remembrances are rooted in soft skills I demonstrated (or did not), not so much in the pedagogical skills I was working hard to practice. 

Soft skills, a somewhat unfortunate term because it implies to many people weaknesses, is a reference to a vitally important set of personality and emotional attributes that we display daily to those around us. It points to our character traits, style, and habits we exhibit when communicating and interacting with others. Our social reputations are largely comprised by what people think of our manner and individual qualities that are determined by our behaviors and emotional makeups. 

Sure co-workers, when reflecting on each of us, will think of the proficiency or lack of competence we display when doing our jobs, but they will just as much, if not more likely, consider the type of people we are.  Are we kind, considerate, communicative, and in control of our feelings or are we not? Do not underestimate how much that matters in the success of our careers. 

Management knows that a nice guy who does not have much talent to contribute does not bring any more productive value than a highly efficient guy who cannot get along with people. Finding that right balance of hard and soft skills is a crucial challenge for those tasked with employee hiring, appraisal, and retention decisions. So, expect that when interviewing for positions or when it is your time for a performance review to be conducted your personality characteristics will be factored in along with your technical qualifications. 

The set of skills we call “soft” covers a lot of territory, everything from punctuality to empathy. However, there are some critical personality qualities that employers want and need in their employees to build truly high functioning workforces. Having employees with these soft skills can bring a competitive advantage given how many workforces across multiple industries are riddled with workers and managers who are too engaged in dramas, politics, and divisiveness at the expense of cooperative action. 

Among the many soft skills we each should be trying to strengthen here are three that I think may universally advance our careers: 

Adaptability: Given the rapidity with which change is occurring in almost all areas, having a flexible nature implies a willingness to learn and grow to meet demands in new ways when necessary. We will encounter ever more new co-workers as employment becomes more mobile and short-term, so knowing how to accommodate a wider range of people helps our ability to work with them. 

Collaboration: Knowing how to be a team player when times call for such a skill has only grown in importance in recent years. It is not unusual to hear employers say that they are willing to train new hires in the specifics of how to function within a company or workplace culture if they get people who are eager to contribute and know how to get along. 

Conflict Resolution: Clashes and strife of one sort or another are unavoidable, but these instances need not disrupt productivity if co-workers are enlightened enough to understand the value of systematically working out differences. Ever notice how invigorating a relationship with someone can be when you have both struggled with one another and have then mutually resolved your disagreements? 

The good news is that we do not have to be born with soft skills to demonstrate them. They are largely learned behaviors. And since learning never stops there is still time for all of us to enhance our basic interpersonal expertise.